You’ve given up most of those high-calorie foods you used to love. Exercised every day–even when you didn’t feel like it. And finally, it’s all paying off–you’re edging toward your weight loss goal — and looking pretty great!
At the same time, you’ve encountered what seems like a surprising lack of enthusiasm or irritating remarks from some of your family and friends — maybe even your partner — about your new look.
As unusual as this may seem, experts say it’s actually quite common to receive some unexpected reactions when you dramatically change your appearance.
“Human beings are hard-wired to resist change, so it’s not uncommon to encounter some resistance whenever change occurs,
When we accomplish a goal — particularly something as difficult as losing weight– it may serve to remind friends and family of their own failed attempts. That, too, can spark a bad reaction.
MY OWN EXPERIENCE OF JEALOUS NEGATIVE REACTIONS:
I work harded hard at my weight loss and maintenance is a daily routine. If I lose sight of it, I would gain it back. So, I have found ways to eat that I enjoy and I embrace my new way of life. The old way didn’t make me happy. I left restaurants feeling bloated and stuffed. I felt bad trying on clothes and I didn’t like how I looked in my clothes. I spent times not wanting to go out to social occasions because I didn’t want to be the fat lady at the party.
I worked hard to lose the weight. I learned the rules, learned how to look at carbs and learned what foods had proteins, fiber and carbs. I work them daily into my diet. This took time and effort. It was not an overnight success. It wasn’t like after a week of hard work, that I suddenly lost the weight. I also had to kick my exercise up a notch to burn off calories. I work out more now than I ever have and I do it because it makes me feel strong and it helps me stay skinny.
Sometimes, I will run into someone who remembers me being fat. They knew I was on a diet and saw me losing and they even asked me how I did it. I freely shared the information, but some thought that there was no way they could do it and they gave up before they even tried to do it. This is an issue in that some people grow resentfu that you could do it and they didn’t have it in them to try.
So, then, in some ways, my weight loss becomes a symbol of their inability to accomplish their goals, so they may begin to act resentful — or even act mean to me — even if it is not intentional. And if their goes involved weight loss, then the resentment can be twice as strong.
If it is a friend who is resentful, you may find that they are suddenly excluding you from activities,. Some friends or family can even say mean things, taunt you about your new body or even your new clothes. And some people who are servers at restaurants or work in exercise studios–or even are members of the same gym you belong to, can treat you in a resentful mean way.
TODAY’S JEALOUS NEGATIVE REACTION:
I went to Western Bagel today for and had a post-Pilates Perfect 10 Egg a la Bagel (Egg, cheese, meat and a 10g net carb bagel). My special treat for breakfast. I used to have these all of the time, but I now only allow myself something this large once a week and after a hard workout. I need energy for the morning because I have clients coming in for the next four hours straight. This woman, asked me tons of questions about how I was losing at the time I was losing weight. But, then I lost it, and following that for the next 18 months, she always asks me, “So, you are still on that diet???” I remember her saying she wanted to lose weight when I was slowly losing, but after seeing me keep it off for two years now, she is pissed off seeing me thin. It was great when I was fat and trying to lose, but being thin and keeping it seems to be pissing her off.
I find myself wanting to tell her to shut up already. I want to go in and just order my f’ing bagel. I now find myself hating going there because she might be there and sure enough, she was there. She asked me again today about, “So, you are STILL on your diet?” I answered (for the fourth time now), “I am not on a diet, this is my lifestyle and how I eat and how I want to look.” She then made a face at me like she was in horror! And she said as she grabbed her two belly folds, “Well, I like how I look and I feel good, so I am ok.” It was then apparent to me that it was an issue about her, not me. She doesn’t give a crap about me. She is a lady at the bagel shop. She doesn’t even know my name. There is no happiness or concern for me. She is feeling resentful and frustrated with herself. So, I said, “I had reflux, I lost the weight, and it is gone now. I can’t have a belly or I get sick. I am happy this way and I want to stay this way.” So, that was my end of story comment and she nodded.
Will she bring it up again if I go back? I think she might! However, I have to remember this is about her. not me. I will be prepared in the future and say, “I think we shouldn’t discuss my diet anymore. It is what it is. I am happy and healthy and that is all that matters” Because I am sick of it and she should be too. What can I do? I will not put on weight for her to feel happier with her issues. I am very happy with my body and my work. My husband compliments me and I know that the people who really care about me and don’t have issues say I look good. My clothes fit well and that was the goal!
HOW TO COUNTERACT JEALOUS NEGATIVITY:
I just have to remember how I would feel in a similar situation, or maybe how I felt when others lost weight and you couldn’t, If I put myself in their place, then I can see that the resentment is all about them and not about me. I am just a mirror of what they did not commmit themselves to do.
If you ever find yourself being one of the resentful ones, you have to ask yourself what is holding you back. Anyone can lose weight. You have to follow the rules. Stop saying you can cheat once a week and eat a whole slice of cake. Stop baking cakes in your house, because you will be tempted to eat more than a small piece. If you have to cheat, there are alternative ways to bake items using almond flour, unsweetened cocoa, coconut oil, Truvia, Stevia, etc. You can make these things. Google recipes. Don’t be lazy.
You can also buy a small piece of something bad to have once a week. However, I have seen some people on diets recommend to people to have these cheats in the house and it is a terrible idea. It sets you up for temptation. And the people who recommend these things are usually still overweight. I am at goal, I stay at goal. I think I know what it takes. And if you don’t follow these rules, then don’t get mad at me when I come up to you and order an Egg a la Bagel! It is not my fault that you put a batch of brownies in your house and they are calling your name!