When you start a diet, you have to look at it as a “Change of lifestyle.” Diets are temporary. This means that as soon as you are done, you will go back to the way you ate before and you will most likely put it all and then some back on you. This is how “yo yo dieting” works. I know all about that. Sometimes it sucks having to stand up to others about food. But, if you love yourself at all, you have to do it! No one else will suffer the pain you will feel when you are trying on clothes and hate how you feel. ONLY YOU WILL SUFFER! Remember, “nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels!”
A new lifestyle means eating only at places that have food you can eat, staying away from junk or trigger places, hanging with people who don’t sabotage your efforts or telling off those who do and feeling okay about it. It means eating the right amount of food, types of food and eating at the right times of the day. Period.
As you start your new lifestyle, you have to realize that you are not just changing your food choices….but you are changing where you go, what you eat– and others who are with you might feel guilty about their food choices, especially if they are in need of weight loss too.
I remember trying to lose weight on Nutrisystem in 1990 and I would bring these teeny-tiny Nutrisystem sandwiches to my lunchtime class in college. My teacher asked me what I was eating one day and I told her it was a Nutrisystem sandwich. She couldn’t believe that I would eat something so small. However, that comment was explained with time, as I watched her grow larger and larger over the semester. At the end of the semester, we had a party and she personally brought me a piece of cake. I declined. Her response was, “eat the cake!” I told her that I couldn’t because of my diet. Her response, “You do want a good grade in here, don’t you?” She was actually so jealous of my weight loss that she was blackmailing me with my grade to eat sugar. It was diabolical, but with time, I realized that families and friends do this too, but in a much more passive-aggressive way.
I have had experiences where my mother has tried to make me share dessert with her (all of the time because it is better to get fat with someone than alone!), despite the fact that I was wanting to lose weight. I had a friend once say, “You aren’t any fun anymore, ” just because I would not share an Awesome Blossom with her. I have had people try to force me to eat some of their dinner because of their own desire to share their food and not eat it all, despite the fact that I already had a full dinner in front of me.
I had a friend get mad at me for weeks once, just for insisting that we not go where she wanted to go to eat because there were no good choices there for me and it was selfish of her to push her desire to go there on me when it would sabotage my weight loss. We eventually moved on, but I doubt she will try that selfish little number on me again. If you can’t take me somewhere where I can order a healthy meal, then as far as I am concerned, you are not a true friend.
I talked to a friend today who used to get taunted for being overweight, and now that she is eating differently and better, she gets taunted about her food choices, or told what she should or should not be eating, when she damn well knows what to do. It is funny how personal people get about food when it comes to others. Most of these people do not always mean well, they just disguise their passive-aggressive attempts as helpful, but meanwhile they are eating bowls of cereal with banana in front of you and spitting out the milk, as they tell you that your eating two hot dogs (only 2 carbs, by the way) are bad and tell you that you should not be eating them? Most of these people have a better metabolism or are just jealous of what you are trying to do to make your life better. And many don’t know what the HELL they are talking about! Bunch of well-meaning know-it-alls, who know-nothing!
So, my advice to those going through this emotional torture and abuse–learn all you can about what you have to do from KNOWLEDGEABLE or legitimate sources who have been succesful in long term weight loss, and find who supports you–and stick with eating and designing menus with them. If someone invites you to eat somewhere or something that you don’t want to eat, it is okay to SAY NO! In fact, if they continue to get pushy. you can say:
“I have a stomach ache.”
“No thanks, I just ate.”
“I have allergies and I can’t eat anything outside of what I have at home right now.”
“Some people might say, “STFU”, but that could be considered rude.
I personally now have gotten so strong with diet saboteurs, because I see who they are and what they are doing and they piss me off…so I end up saying, “No thanks.” and when they ask again and again, my “No thanks” gets louder.
Practice it in the mirror. It will build confidence. You have to be strong and have fortitude to stay on a plan. You are on a mission for your life. Remember that! This is a change of lifestyle in not only FOOD choices, but how you deal with your peeps and your self concept. Be strong and stand up for yourself! Who else will?
A blog on diet sabotage: http://theonelastthing.com/2008/09/30/how-do-you-handle-people-who-sabotage-your-efforts/